I am not alone

We have our first blogger sharing a time in their life. please read, love the raw beauty of her soul and encourage her!

changing names for anonymity

Wife- Julia

Husband- Henry

Ring, Ring, Ring “Hey babe, what sup? I just left, why are you calling me?” says Henry casually driving to practice.

” Who is Scarlett red lips?” Julia asks as she is casually searching on google and happens to have google’s best guesses and most recent search history up on the computer. She innocently goes on to find out why this one actress in a tv show looks so familiar only to be bombarded with googles dirty little secrets.

“I am going to watch her until you get home” she calmly reacts to this not so new idea that her husband might have an addiction to pornography.

” NO, I AM COMING HOME NOW, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY! Stop watching Julia, PLEASE!” as Henry pleads in embarrassment and shame in being found out.

“nope. I will watch till you get here so I know exactly why you need this over me.” click. Julia hangs up in shock, disgust, trying so hard to keep watching but with no desire whatsoever to get caught in this trap so many people pine over.

What do I do? Why am I not good enough? I thought this would be over when we got married. yes, I knew that he struggled, we have many conversations, I ran over his computer while we were dating in sadness. I am constantly getting to this point again where I need to add more filters, more passwords, less time apart in times where he could struggle or look, or be tempted into thinking for one small moment that it’s okay. When I share that we have struggled with pornography in our marriage,80% of the time, the person I share with also is going through something oh so familiar. YET we still don’t talk about it openly and without guilt and shame and darkness.

Henry rushes home in tears. which to be honest I only have seen him cry MAYBE 2 times before this.

“I don’t know why I even do this”, he shares ” I can’t help it, I look, feel guilty, can’t bring myself to tell you, and then look again in shame and being stressed out with lying”… It is a constant cycle so far in our 4 years of marriage. Couple months go by, I come home early, he looks sheepish, I instantly guess what’s been happening. deny, deny, FINALLY, he shares and I look at him and say “WHY DO YOU LIE!” I am honestly more upset with the lying than actually looking at pornography. Why am I so easy to lie too, even though I KNOW, with my gut that he is lying. But you don’t want to call him out every time it happens.

the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy…. well it is killing our marriage, it’s stealing joy and memories, and it is destroying a man who could be doing amazing things without the crippling effect of addiction.

please share with me that I am not alone in this story.

This is Part of a Story…..Only one part.

Feather and Mane's Mentorship Program

We are so very excited about what is happening over here at Feather and Mane. Carla and I have been dreaming big and one major thing that has been on our hearts for the past few months is finally ready to be launched.

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Mentorship With Feather and Mane

We believe that a strong Community is built upon relationships. Relationships not only with your family and long time friends but with your neighbors and like minded strangers you have yet to meet. Our dream to to create a place for people to come and share their hearts, dreams, and aspirations. We not only what you to be able to share your thoughts but to also be able to find the answers to your questions through different forms.

One way we have been planning to help this very idea become a reality is by creating a mentor ship program where people looking to take their business, blog or even just their dream to the next level, can find the help. We are firm believers in the power of mentorship in a persons life. Having both seen the benefits that a Mentor/ Mentee relationship has on our own lives, we are dreaming big for our new project.

What we are looking for in a Mentor:

  • Someone who has a few hours a week for a month time commitment to dedicate to providing wisdom, advice, or brainstorming ideas with their Mentee.
  • Someone who has had their own small business/blog for over a few months and feels confident in sharing their ups and downs thus far.
  • Someone who may be looking to expand but is not sure they have enough work to offer an employee.
  • Someone who loves to collaborate and see others thrive.
  • Someone who believes in “babes supporting babes” and wants to promote their product/brand in a whole new way.

What are some benefits of becoming a Mentor with Feather and Mane?

  • Sharing your love and knowledge for the thing you do and passing on your knowledge to someone who needs it.
  • Future collaborations with Feather and Mane and with potential mentee
  • Promoting done by Feather and Mane for involvement in program and future photo shoots
  • Mentorship Celebration and dinner party at the end of each Mentorship period with other Mentors.
  • Being Featured on our Featured Female blog spot.
  • Future monetary compensation (after test group has been completed. and all kinks have been ironed out, when we make money so will you)
  • We will only be taking a limited number of Mentors into our program. Apply and join our team, sooner the better.

What are we looking for in a Mentee?

  • Someone who is launching their business/blog and still have a bunch of questions of how to be successful.
  • Someone who is dreaming big but doesn’t know how to start.
  • Someone who may be looking to be hired by a small business or blogger but doesn’t know if it would be a good fit.
  • Someone who wants to break out on their own and start their own employment.
  • Someone with a few extra hours a week to dedicate to making their dreams happen.
  • Someone who is looking for advice on how to make their already existing business/blog grow.
  • Someone who needs accountability and support in specific areas of their business/blog
  • Someone who wants to meet other like minded individuals and grow a community of support around them.

What are some benefits for Being a Mentee with Feather and Mane?

  • Individual one on one time with someone already in the industry
  • Getting business questions answered.
  • Getting to experience what the pros and cons of owning your own business or running your own blog are.
  • Collaboration
  • Potentially earning employment
  • Becoming a part of a community of people who believe in supporting each other.

 

Our Goal for the Mentorship Program is that we can form a small business/blogger community that helps connect people exactly where they are at with their dreams and vision. We are dreaming big, here at Feather and Mane, and our Mentorship program is just the first step to help create the community and village that we have been planning to provide for all of you.

Please take some time to fill out one (or both) of the Questionnaires we have created. Also, as mentioned in the form if you have any questions, concerns, or ideas, please feel free to email us at featherandmane@gmail.com with the title of the Questionnaire as your subject header. We would love to provide you with more information as needed.

I Want to Be a MENTOR

I Want to Be a MENTEE

– Jessica (lioness)

Featured Female : Danielle

We are so excited to have Danielle as our first Featured Female of 2017.  We are wanting to start our year off with a “BANG” and getting ready to launch our secret project that we have been working on for the past few months. So, it just seemed fitting that Danielle would be our first featured female.

We are excited to share each month a female entrepreneur. Someone who is inspiring and hard working and making her dreams come true. Danielle is setting the bar high and we are so blessed to share this little snippet into her life with all of you. Not only is she a goal setter and an inspiration she is also someone we are proud to call a friend.

Introducing Danielle the founder of:

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Web pageVancitybusinessbabes.com

Instagram – @vancitybusinessbabes

Facebook – Vancity Business Babes

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Picture by @amberleighphotog

1. Why did you decide to start your own business? What inspired this dream and idea to take flight? and What do you do?
I spend some time working for other people in traditional jobs and I found out very quickly that it wasn’t for me. I wanted more freedom and flexibility with my schedule!
I first started partnering with a health & wellness company and started my own home based business with them. I loved diving into entrepreneurship and learning about marketing, social media, and also all the personal development that came along with it.
I Later launched a women’s networking organization that brings like minded ladies together to share their success, strategies and it is also a space to connect both for business but also to create community and friendships. I wanted to create events that were educational, fun and gave people an opportunity to connect in an authentic way.
2. What has been the hardest part of your journey so far?
I think the hardest thing about building your own business is believing in yourself and getting over “what will people think?” There is a lot of fear surrounding this. I think that is why it’s SO important to surround yourself with people that are going to lift you up and encourage you!
3. What Advice would you give someone who has a dream to start their own business, but doesn’t know how to go about making it become reality?
Connect with someone who has created a business for themselves, talk to them about your dreams and bounce around Ideas. Ask for advice and start to research what will be needed in order to build that business. Start with very small steps (30 min or less) per day but work on it every single day. You’ll be shocked at how much you can get done!
4. How do you gain new inspiration to keep your business fresh and appealing?
Asking people what they want! 🙂 The best thing you can do as a business is to connect with your clients and community you have built and ask them what they would like to see. The main reason you are in business is to serve them, so ask them how you can do that!
5. Who has been an inspirational person in your journey thus far?
That s a very hard question. I have many local connections who have been extremely inspiring to me! But I also have many, what i like to call “virtual” mentors. I listen to their podcasts and videos! One of my favorite podcasts at the moment is “Goal Diggers” by Jenna KutcherJenna Kutcher
6. What is your favorite part of your day?
When I first wake up! I do about a 10-15 min workout, then I make myself coffee and I sit and read for about 20 min. I am currently waking up extremely early: 4:30/5 am- But I am also going to bed around 9:30 pm
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7. How do you relax?
A bath is one of my favorite ways to relax, with bath salts, or a good hot tub! (I would love to have a hot tub in my own backyard someday! )
8. What brings you joy?
Time with family and close friends, and my Faith- I love spending my Sundays at church and going for breakfast after with Family! Favorite time of the week!
9. what would you hope to be known for one day? What do you want your legacy to be?
I want to be known as someone who was authentic, someone who made others feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable. I want to be known as someone who was encouraging and inspiring! 🙂

 

Thank you so much Danielle for taking the time to share with us a little from your journey. Looking forward to following you as you continue to change the world around you. 

-Jessica

Lists, Goals, and motherhood

I absolutely love making lists. I make lists for everything. Grocery lists, house cleaning duties, daily chores, fitness goals, spiritual goals, attitude star charts, party planning, ideas for blog posts, packing lists, and of course those wonderful “honey do lists”.

I cant speak for all of the women in the world, but the ones in my life seem to feel the same way about lists. We like to take the chaos that lives in our heads and get it all out and organized onto a piece of paper. It is almost as though being apart of the female gender of the human race means that we can automatically juggle more than one thing. It is not a rare occurrence to catch me texting a friend while pouring a cup of coffee and making my sons lunch with my daughter on my hip. I often am amazed at my ability to get 3 people dressed and fed and organized for their day in just 45 minutes each morning while my husband does only half of that for himself.

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Before I became a wife and a mother I was a teacher. I lived in a world where our every move was planned and accounted for down to the minute. I was a preschool teacher. We allotted time for changing from outside shoes to inside shoes. We made sure that hand washing and bathroom breaks were given their fair share of scheduled time. I went from having my days laid out perfectly, to a world where the only thing on my agenda was to figure which of the three things needs to happen for this crying child to find peace. Eat, Sleep, or be changed. I left order for Motherhood.

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I entered motherhood like an abounded ship lost at sea. I had no map and no crew. I was all alone and no sign of land in sight. I remember feeling like I was drowning and the ones I loved were standing beside me watching. I didn’t know how to ask for help and the thing is,  I didn’t even know that I even needed it. It wasn’t until I had my second child in less than 2 years, that I realized just how unorganized and chaotic my life had gotten. I realized that the thing I was missing was myself. I wasn’t lost. I was just aimlessly going through my days with no desired direction. How was I supposed to get this under control?

I sat down with a pen and paper and I made a few lists. I made a list of the goals I used to have for myself and the goals I have now. I made lists of ways to attain those goals and I even made lists of people who could help me get there. I started to make lists of things that needed to happen around the house and lists of what needed to happen in my marriage. I made parenting goals. I took all those lists and I sat down and prayed. I remember laying it all out in front of the one who made me and gave me the very air in my lungs and asking Him what I was supposed to do with all these lists.

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Slowly I felt my life coming back into order. I started setting goals and while my mind and body were working together, I was gradually lifted from the fog of early motherhood. It helped that my children grew and became less physically exhausting. Although, I am not convinced that being mentally exhausted by preschoolers is any easier than being physically exhausted by babies, but lets just say that the change of pace was welcomed. I started to set attainable goals and what is even better is that I started to reach them. I am going to be honest with you, my very first goal I ever made after this realization was .. are you ready for this?… To take a nap. I am not even joking. As an exhausted mother, it was all I could think about. So I figured if I made it a goal I could feel good about checking it off the list. Man did that feel good. Slowly my goals started to become greater and more grand.

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I started making goals that would take weeks of dedication. I started to make long term goals that would require I be more deliberate with my time. I put myself and my family on a schedule and allotted times for important things to get done. I started to treat motherhood as a job. But not just any job. A Career. Not just any Career, a dream Career. I allotted time for playing with my kids and gave myself rules. No interruptions when I was with my little important people. I put my cell phone and computer in the complete opposite side of the house. I made sure my kids got my undivided attention. This also meant that I ensured I had time to myself and time with my husband. Because I was no longer dividing my time every minute of my day I felt so much better about making room for everything I wanted to make room for. I stopped feeling guilty about not spending every waking minute with my children. I knew that they had received my attention and in return I could relax when I devoted my attention to another area of my life.

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I now spend my Sunday evenings marking out my weeks in advance. I ensure I have time for working out, play dates, family outings, bible study, business ventures, field trips, date nights, and I even allot time for “whatever”. My weeks do not always go as planned. We come across hick ups and have to reschedule dates or move  around appointments. The point is that what brought be so much peace before in my life is now bringing my life so much more purpose. Every week is different and not every day is a successes but now I am not lost in the fog. Now I am not aimless. Now I am finding purpose in my motherhood.

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I know so many women who have lost themselves when their baby came along. I am here to say that you are not lost. You are actually just wandering. You will be okay. Children grow and so do we. Sometimes bringing in habits and rituals from your life before kids can help you thrive in your life as a mother. Sometimes you need to do the complete opposite. Sit down and make a list. Maybe the only thing on your list is to take a nap. Well stop and make that happen and then get back to the list and make another. Set some attainable goals and reach them.

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-lioness

How have you kept your sanity in motherhood? How have you lost it? We love hearing from you and would love to have some of your helpful tips and tricks.