My neck was aching and my arm had fallen asleep. Her sweaty little cheek was nestled into my armpit and her arm was slung around my neck as if I needed its help supporting my own head. I didn’t dare move her because it took me two hours to finally get her to fall back asleep. Sometimes her dreams feel larger than life and her beautiful imagination that takes her on amazing adventures during the day, also takes her on dark journeys at night. Her breath was deep and heavy and I knew she was finally feeling safe. The physical discomfort of our cuddle was worth it for her to finally fall into a peaceful sleep. As I lay there holding my sweet three year old child I couldn’t help but wonder, how long this would last. How long will she keep showing up on my bedside with tales of bad dreams? When will she stop seeking my comfort and start comforting herself? Do I want her to?
This Christmas my sweet children are 3 and 5. The magic of Santa and the joys of the birth of Jesus are bouncing off the walls of every room as my children whirl around me keeping me on my toes. Playing in the sacred and rare snow in our backyard and then coming in for hot chocolate are the very things that make up beautiful childhood dreams. Gone are the years of grown ups having quiet conversations after christmas dinner and caring home one gift bag full of christmas loot. Here are the days of loud squeals of delight as the paper goes flying and your arms aching as you carry the 3rd load of gifts to the car (and that is just from grandma!). These are the days I love. The Joy that children bring to holidays is worth all the chaos they bring to your life.
As I contemplate my children growing up and all that it entails. They will soon be able to get over bad dreams without the help of a parent’s cuddle. They will soon lose the magic of Santa and the mountain of gifts and excitement will both diminish. They will grow up. It happens to all of us if we are lucky. We grow and change and become independant. How quickly as a parent on those hard days, do I wish away their dependance on me. In the grand scheme of life, they will only need me 18 years. 11 of those years are supposed to be under complete supervision. 5 of those years are you almost guaranteed to be their whole world. It isn’t until they turn 6 and start going to school full time that they learn to be more and more independant. The same goes for you.
So this christmas I am going to soak in every moment as my sweet babes drive me crazy. I am going to build lego with them and play dress up. Grown up conversations are wonderful and needed, but Grown ups can wait. Childhood doesn’t pause for anyone. Besides, lets be honest, adults are boring.
Merry Christmas My dear friends,