Being inspired to follow your dreams is easy these days. Seeing inspirational quotes and reading encouraging stories all over social media, makes my heart burn with passion to make a difference in the lives of those I love and ultimately the world.
The problem with me, not that there is only one, is that I have a passion for so many different things. My mind’s always racing with new ideas and projects that I would probably be semi-successful in. I find inspiration for new ideas from watching others succeed at what they do. I compare my own talents to theirs and it tends to either inspire me or to break me down. Each week I come up with a new idea of some sort of small business or class I could teach. I am sure my friends are secretly planning an intervention due to my never ending plan making and I am just waiting for the day that I come home from the park with my kids and all those that I love are in my living room waiting for me.
I also have an intense desire to raise my children in a certain way. I want to be a mom who brings adventure, love and fearlessness into my children’s lives. I want them to be kind and creative and compassionate. I want to show them how to have fun and work hard. It is so hard to look around and see other moms doing it “better”. Why must I always be comparing myself? It is always my first instinct. One of the things I want to teach my children is that everyone is unique and different and no one way is better than another. I want them to be able to meet a friend and appreciate them for who they are and not feel like either one of them needs to conform to the other. Why is this so hard for me to apply in my own life? Parenting can bring such great perspective to my own life.
I have a lot of creative outlets. I am the kind of person who goes to a store to buy something and ends up leaving the store with all the things necessary to make it on my own. I am the person who sees a need and tries to find a way to fill it. I am the lady who listens to your story and immediately wants to help you solve your problem and if I can’t I am researching to find someone who can. I juggle my mom friends, single friends, married with no kids friends, family, and date nights with ease. I love chaos and I do not scare easy. No task ever seems impossible. These may seems like amazing qualities, and most of the time they really are. My issue lately is all these things, I have a hard time finding what I am actually good at. I can not nail down exactly what it is I want to do with my life.
My oldest son is going to kindergarten this fall and my daughter soon will be following after. My role as a stay at home mom is becoming less and less of a necessity and it is becoming more vital that I start to bring in an income. I have been doing child care for the past 4 years while staying home with my own children. But now my families are no longer needing care and my own situation is making it harder to balance child care and carpooling to school. What am I going to do? What do I want to do? My friends are all slowly getting back into their careers and settling into their new routines and I am stuck here wondering what it is I am supposed to do now?!
I find that I get lost a lot when I am thinking about what I should be doing with my life. I forget what the big picture is. I forget why I am even here on earth. I forget what my role is in this thing called life. I am a visual and hands on learner. I need visual reminders in order to help me focus and function. I have inspirational quotes all over my house that help me remember the bigger picture. This life is not about me. This life is not about even my family. This life is about living it to worship God. The things I do don’t even matter, no matter how great or big they are. The only thing that matters is how I am Glorifying God while I do them. No matter what I pick, as long as I am lifting up His name and treating the world with His Love, then I am making a difference. As long as I am keeping my eyes on Him, than nothing else matters. Parenting, job, marriage, friendships, they all need God to be the center of them in order for me to be living the life I was meant to live.
Remembering the goal helps to refocus the plan. So what I really need to do is sit out and plan my list backwards.
What can I do that will allow me to Glorify God on a daily basis? That makes this a whole planning thing a lot easier.
Bare with me friends and family as I search for what it is that I am supposed to be spending my time and energy doing. As I search, please pray. As I search, I will stop and listen. As I search, I will fail. As I search, I will ask for help.
Learning to Bloom where I am planted and learning to let God be God, because I am not. Such hard yet important lessons to learn. I will probably never be finished learning them. As long as I am moving forward I do not care how fast I am going.