Day-to-day life just kills that emotional roller coaster you remember when dating. I remember in the first five years, constantly asking my husband if he still gets butterflies and when does he get them. I remember he used to tell me a different reason why he loved me every day because he ‘accidentally’ wrote it in his letter to me on our wedding day and i held him to it (HA).
We have learned about each other, grown older together, became parents together, moved (SO MANY TIMES) together, traveled, loved,cried, LAUGHED (and laughed and laughed), fought (and fought and fought), learned some more about each other, and created a marriage together.
I know it has only been 7 years this summer, but I feel like I have seen enough trials and errors and love to share some tidbits.
how to live with yours spouse and thrive
- take time for your marriage. my husband and I have tried to have a date night at least 3 times a month since we first got married. i am a quality time person, and even if we have a slower week and see each other every evening. I NEED date night. that way we can feel free to book activities with friends and family and know that we have created a time and space for us. I know that life, kids, mortgage, everything can be expensive. some years were leaner, others were not as lean. we still probably spend the same amount on our dates. we go bowling, rent movies, eat out, or do take out. If possible we get a babysitter so we can go out. YES dating is expensive, BUT YOUR MARRIAGE IS IMPORTANT. how much money have you invested in your relationship? and how much on your kids? the biggest thing i have come to realize is that my ministry,life,kids, in general happiness is very wrapped in my marriage. I know that when my son sees us hugging or laughing he wants to join.
- you don’t have to like your spouse to LOVE your spouse. Something i learned a while ago is to never put divorce on the table. IN ANYTHING, as soon as you say it, it becomes a joke or it makes your argument unbalanced, cause the other person starts feeling threatened and will either cleave or leave. I have never heard anyone talk about using divorce (even jokingly) benefit the argument or there marriage. But, there have been lots of times that I will always love my husband, but it doesn’t necessarily mean i like him at that moment. I have learned that no matter what I love him! My love for him will manifest in different ways for different circumstances.
- Always share kind words and never gossip about your spouse. I was SO good at this for SO long, until recently I think i caught myself making a joke about how tired he is, or i don’t know what. and than i sat there, kind of shocked that i joined the spouse bashing. He is so important to me. So I don’t mind sharing my life lessons, or small situations with certain people who i know know me and know him well and would understand fully what i am saying. I would just say, guard your marriage, your bed, and your fights. unless they are resolved and its strictly for sharing to help a friend go through there life, or its something that you and your spouse have discussed is okay and they wouldn’t be upset if they knew you said it.
- Always figure out ways to thrive in all life situations. you could be broke, 10 kids, no car, no friends, no family (that would be crazy), dont just say “this is a season, we can focus on us later” or “its only temporary” or ” we need a cooler car so we should just hold off on dates or spending money on us”. Learn to thrive. learn new ways to do date night, or different ways to create space for your relationship. in the end, your kids will be gone and out the house, or during that time when your kids are growing up they will be watching you. you are modeling how they should treat there partner, there friends.
That’s all I have for today I think.
here are my rantings, I hope you enjoy. I am no where near perfect in any of these categories, but i know when i learn others might be needing to learn the same things.