I am drowning in a sea of stuff. My life, if measured by possessions is one full of blessing and wealth. We have every thing we need plus everything another family could need.
Over the Christmas break I have been having play dates with friends who live out of town and are home for the holidays. It has been a great opportunity to catch up and let our children reunite once again. One particular play date we had scheduled had me excited with great anticipation. This amazing friend of mine and her family have been living and working in a country really close to my heart. Her husband has been working in Haiti and the original plan was that she along with their 3 children (8,4,and 1) would join him and find ways to serve their community around them while home schooling their kids. Plans changed. Life went crazy and living in such an unstable country with unstable surroundings became too much for a family with such young children. Although her husband continues his work, my friend and her children had to find a safe haven just a short flight away. United together on the weekends her husband continues his work while she provides a better environment for her children to grow and thrive.
During my wonderful visit with my friend she poured her heart out to me all while being sensitive to the fact that we were having this conversation in my nice beautiful home, while my lawyer husband was at work and I complained about laundry, keeping my house clean, and the cost of private school. As she and her children drove away from our mutually wonderful play date my mind could not stop turning the same thoughts around and around in my head. I wanted to take all the presents I had got my kids and send them to Haiti. I wanted to invite all those children who have no home or family into mine. I wanted to sell our house and move to Haiti and buy a building where I would love and cuddle and teach and nourish those children who had no home. Then I promptly felt like a North American self righteous idiot. Who do I think I am?
Do I really think I would be successful in my super hero pursuits to save the children of Haiti? So I sat down with a pen and paper and tried to figure out what I could do about this unrest in my heart. Feeling this way does not just come from no where. I have always said that if I had not met my husband at such a young age and fell head over heals in love then I would be living over seas teaching and caring for children. God had other plans. He knows me better so I put my trust in him and pursued the life of many blessings he put before me. All along the way I have been holding onto it lightly secretly hoping he would call me to drop it all and go. Go where, I have no idea. Ever since grade 11 when I went and worked in a small village in Guatemala building a school and running kids camps I knew this was not just a 2 week ordeal for me. I found a calling on my life that brought be great confidence in who I was in Christ as well as what my talents were. Working with children. Compassion, love, and empathy. These were all attributes of my personality that shone brightly as I worked along my team mates to serve the small village we were so blessed to visit.
My husband and I sat down after great prompting and begging from me so we could discuss the calling that has always been on my heart. My husband is amazing for me for so many reason. The most important one is he is not driven by emotions. Which makes us a great match. Passion can be a great motivator for getting things done and having a clear head can make sure that you make smart decisions. So we put our two unique ways of dealing with decision making together and we forged out a plan. A lot of it needs to be prayed about and there is a great hope that we will live 70 more years but with that being said my heart is calming down. The passion is still there but it is not burning a hole through my heart. Clearly thinking and planning out our future with the calling God has on our lives is such a freeing feeling. Knowing that God is going to be our plan maker make me feel confident in my future. God has big plans for my family and when I once thought it was all about me doing Gods will, God has shown me that His plan is bigger and involves two little children and one beautiful man who is supposed to be by my side. With my teammates at my side and God as our guide I know now that I have an unstoppable team.
Why I even try and control anything is still a wonder. I will just never learn.